Tuesday, September 30, 2014

End of Month Special - Random Thoughts on MLS Salaries, Fantasy Football, and Babysitting

     We are heading into October … and your Award Winning Blog has had a far too insignificant September.  Here are some observations and thoughts to take us all into October better informed.


     The updated Salaries of all Major League Soccer Players were released this week.  For the first several years of my son’s career it was an opportunity for me to realize I needed to take the poor boy out to a good dinner.  For the past few years of his career it makes me realize that I should stop picking up the check at those dinners.
     You know your Award Winning Blog always digs deep into the details to find news.  To that end we analyzed the pay by Last Name (and specifically which letter was at the beginning of your last name).  Spending my entire life at the end of the alphabet … I pay more attention there.  I uncovered a shocking discovery in pay equity in Major League Soccer.  While there are only 8 players whose last names begin with “Z” … their total pay is $1.44 million.  Compare that to the poor players whose last name begins with “V” – there are 9 of them! But in total those 9 only add up to less than $1.4 million.  I will proclaim right now that this is a compensation scandal that Major League Soccer needs to address immediately before the press owns the story  … the Commissioner needs to get out in front of the story. 


     I can tell you that one thing MLS Salaries clearly do not take into account is your ability in Fantasy Football.  My eldest son, Christopher, is a dismal 1-3 with his team.  He lost to me (his stupid father) this past weekend and I am told that he found the spider hole that Saddam Hussein was hiding in and has taken up residence there due to his shame.  My team, The Fighting Basset Hounds, have staked a claim to first place in the league.  My other two sons have made me a prouder Fantasy Football dad so far … my sons-in-law … well I’m sure they are trying (on second thought I hope to God they are not trying because that would be embarrassing). 

BABYSITTING AS A GRANDFATHER – A Pequena Chefona for 8 Hours Straight

     A Pequena Chefona (Little Bossy Pants) is now 9 months old.  She is regularly cared for by her uncles (Stephen and Matthew) – and she is a lot of fun.  A few days ago the desperation set in at the Chris Wondolowski household and they had to turn from Plan A to Plan B then to Plan C until they finally got to Plan Q – and I got the call from the bullpen for an 8 hour stint as the babysitter.  While Lindsey was somewhat surprisingly calm and confident in her staffing choice … the three boys who I had raised, changed their diapers, fed them, and somehow they survived Planet Earth under my care to arrive at the present points in their lives …. Those three boys were very concerned and would have called Child Protection but that would have made them stop watching the third re-run of Sports Center to make that call.  To be fair – Chris had no problem with me babysitting … but clearly not because of his confidence in me rather mostly because he was happy to have someone plug in for 8 hours that he did not have to pay. 
     Stephen and Matthew on the other hand … could not even comprehend how I could possibly watch a baby (the same baby that they have watched for similar stretches of time).  Fortunately for me … Stephen and Matthew gave me untold amounts of advice and tips on how to babysit.  It is only a bit ironic that neither of them have children and both of them are among the three children that I semi-successfully helped evolve into young men.  
     A long story a little shorter … A Pequena Chefona and I had a great time.  I found that she loves music so much that she even likes my awful singing voice.  She is of course standing every chance she gets which means that she is nanoseconds away from falling continually --- but there was not going to be a bruise or stitches on my watch so I was intensely protective.  She also fell asleep in my arms late in the afternoon from me reading the Wall Street Journal out loud to her (going to be a Republican I guess). 
     I was able to take her to Gymboree … which was the highlight of our day.  We walked down to Gymboree (I walked she rode) and she had a great time.  Perhaps on purpose … I cannot say for sure … 1 minute into the session --- there I was the old guy with the 9 month old sitting around and definitely NOT singing --- and Chefona decides to drop a deuce.  The singing of the others drowned out the grunting and we both decided to just play through it … but my sensory memories of that Gymboree session will forever be more of smell than any other sense.
     In short – we had a great time … and I taught her the words to Camptown Races because she had been getting a couple of them wrong.

     I think I made the approved Babysitter list at Casa de Juando … much to the surprise of my offspring. 

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