We are heading into October … and your
Award Winning Blog has had a far too insignificant September. Here are some observations and thoughts to
take us all into October better informed.
MLS SALARIES
–
The updated Salaries of all Major League Soccer
Players were released this week. For the
first several years of my son’s career it was an opportunity for me to realize
I needed to take the poor boy out to a good dinner. For the past few years of his career it makes
me realize that I should stop picking up the check at those dinners.
You know your Award Winning Blog always
digs deep into the details to find news.
To that end we analyzed the pay by Last Name (and specifically which
letter was at the beginning of your last name).
Spending my entire life at the end of the alphabet … I pay more
attention there. I uncovered a shocking
discovery in pay equity in Major League Soccer.
While there are only 8 players whose last names begin with “Z” … their
total pay is $1.44 million. Compare that
to the poor players whose last name begins with “V” – there are 9 of them! But
in total those 9 only add up to less than $1.4 million. I will proclaim right now that this is a
compensation scandal that Major League Soccer needs to address immediately before
the press owns the story … the Commissioner
needs to get out in front of the story.
FANTASY
FOOTBALL –
I can tell you that one thing MLS Salaries
clearly do not take into account is your ability in Fantasy Football. My eldest son, Christopher, is a dismal 1-3
with his team. He lost to me (his stupid
father) this past weekend and I am told that he found the spider hole that
Saddam Hussein was hiding in and has taken up residence there due to his shame. My team, The Fighting Basset Hounds, have
staked a claim to first place in the league.
My other two sons have made me a prouder Fantasy Football dad so far …
my sons-in-law … well I’m sure they are trying (on second thought I hope to God
they are not trying because that would be embarrassing).
BABYSITTING
AS A GRANDFATHER – A Pequena Chefona for 8 Hours Straight
A Pequena Chefona (Little Bossy Pants) is
now 9 months old. She is regularly cared
for by her uncles (Stephen and Matthew) – and she is a lot of fun. A few days ago the desperation set in at the
Chris Wondolowski household and they had to turn from Plan A to Plan B then to
Plan C until they finally got to Plan Q – and I got the call from the bullpen
for an 8 hour stint as the babysitter.
While Lindsey was somewhat surprisingly calm and confident in her
staffing choice … the three boys who I had raised, changed their diapers, fed
them, and somehow they survived Planet Earth under my care to arrive at the
present points in their lives …. Those three boys were very concerned and would
have called Child Protection but that would have made them stop watching the
third re-run of Sports Center to make that call. To be fair – Chris had no problem with me babysitting
… but clearly not because of his confidence in me rather mostly because he was
happy to have someone plug in for 8 hours that he did not have to pay.
Stephen and Matthew on the other hand …
could not even comprehend how I could possibly watch a baby (the same baby that
they have watched for similar stretches of time). Fortunately for me … Stephen and Matthew gave
me untold amounts of advice and tips on how to babysit. It is only a bit ironic that neither of them
have children and both of them are among the three children that I
semi-successfully helped evolve into young men.
A long story a little shorter … A Pequena
Chefona and I had a great time. I found
that she loves music so much that she even likes my awful singing voice. She is of course standing every chance she
gets which means that she is nanoseconds away from falling continually --- but
there was not going to be a bruise or stitches on my watch so I was intensely protective. She also fell asleep in my arms late in the
afternoon from me reading the Wall Street Journal out loud to her (going to be
a Republican I guess).
I was able to take her to Gymboree … which
was the highlight of our day. We walked
down to Gymboree (I walked she rode) and she had a great time. Perhaps on purpose … I cannot say for sure …
1 minute into the session --- there I was the old guy with the 9 month old
sitting around and definitely NOT singing --- and Chefona decides to drop a
deuce. The singing of the others drowned
out the grunting and we both decided to just play through it … but my sensory
memories of that Gymboree session will forever be more of smell than any other
sense.
In short – we had a great time … and I
taught her the words to Camptown Races because she had been getting a couple of
them wrong.
I think I made the approved Babysitter
list at Casa de Juando … much to the surprise of my offspring.
