With professional
soccer in the United States on a break – we can turn to pressing world events:
The United States
says that North Korea hacked Sony Pictures in order to prevent “The Interview”
from being released and viewed. North
Korea says that they are not responsible.
While at some levels this resembles most family discussions when trying
to pin blame on just which child might have had a hand in relocating the
goldfish from the aquarium to the bathtub – I choose to look at this wonderful
power that North Korea has developed and wonder what would happen if it was
used for good and not evil. I urge North Korea to look beyond the usual
International Hot Buttons like Hollywood Comedies.
I, therefore,
with tongue firmly in cheek – offer these five targets to the North Korean
Cyber-Attack-Apparatus. If the North
Koreans take my advice – they will actually be furthering the cause for world
harmony by hacking and then causing these targets to pull their performances
from the public.
OPRAH: - I don’t get Oprah and I confess that I never
will. However I suspect that at some
point in the future she may be planning to turn all of her O-Zombie followers
into a disastrous cult determined to give free cars away to every female on
planet earth. I live in Danville where
the downtown becomes as dangerous as a war zone after school pick up when all
of the moms in town drive their huge Escalades and talk on the phone at the
same time while picking off pedestrian after pedestrian without noticing. I don’t wish that on all of us and I would
like North Korea to hack Oprah’s production company in order to shield us from
a world of danger.
JUSTIN BIEBER: - Enough
said.
THE OAKLAND
RAIDERS: - Please hack the Oakland Raiders and threaten them until the front
office pulls the team from production and we don’t have to sit through any more
dismal games. I know this is stretching
it – but if they could also get Reggie McKenzie to become the General Manager
for the Broncos, Chargers, and Chiefs … all at the same time … that would be
great as well.
THE WATER PEOPLE:
- These are all the professionals whose job it is to be interviewed on the news
immediately after a rainstorm to tell us that the drought is not over and the
snow is too dry. I’m not saying the
drought is over – but I am saying that I have not seen the sun for 73 days and
I have never enjoyed hearing that the snow is too dry when it somehow is always
able to soak through to my socks.
THE GROCERY BAG
POLICE: - Now we have to take our own bags to the grocery store or risk being
summarily executed while standing in the Express Line. I don’t call that an advanced society – I get
that plastic bags at grocery stores are posing an existential risk to our very
being – but they sure are convenient.
Going to Safeway is tough enough with the fact that by the time you get
back to your car you’ve signed 27 voter’s petitions and given money away to at
least 3 charities (while avoiding eye contact with 11 other solicitors)… now we
have to do all of that while saving the planet with our own reusable bags. Grocery shopping has become difficult.
