Urging North Korea to Use their Cyber-capabilities for Good-Not Evil

     With professional soccer in the United States on a break – we can turn to pressing world events:

     The United States says that North Korea hacked Sony Pictures in order to prevent “The Interview” from being released and viewed.  North Korea says that they are not responsible.  While at some levels this resembles most family discussions when trying to pin blame on just which child might have had a hand in relocating the goldfish from the aquarium to the bathtub – I choose to look at this wonderful power that North Korea has developed and wonder what would happen if it was used for good and not evil. I urge North Korea to look beyond the usual International Hot Buttons like Hollywood Comedies.

     I, therefore, with tongue firmly in cheek – offer these five targets to the North Korean Cyber-Attack-Apparatus.  If the North Koreans take my advice – they will actually be furthering the cause for world harmony by hacking and then causing these targets to pull their performances from the public.

     OPRAH:  - I don’t get Oprah and I confess that I never will.  However I suspect that at some point in the future she may be planning to turn all of her O-Zombie followers into a disastrous cult determined to give free cars away to every female on planet earth.  I live in Danville where the downtown becomes as dangerous as a war zone after school pick up when all of the moms in town drive their huge Escalades and talk on the phone at the same time while picking off pedestrian after pedestrian without noticing.  I don’t wish that on all of us and I would like North Korea to hack Oprah’s production company in order to shield us from a world of danger.

     JUSTIN BIEBER: - Enough said.

     THE OAKLAND RAIDERS: - Please hack the Oakland Raiders and threaten them until the front office pulls the team from production and we don’t have to sit through any more dismal games.  I know this is stretching it – but if they could also get Reggie McKenzie to become the General Manager for the Broncos, Chargers, and Chiefs … all at the same time … that would be great as well.

     THE WATER PEOPLE: - These are all the professionals whose job it is to be interviewed on the news immediately after a rainstorm to tell us that the drought is not over and the snow is too dry.  I’m not saying the drought is over – but I am saying that I have not seen the sun for 73 days and I have never enjoyed hearing that the snow is too dry when it somehow is always able to soak through to my socks.

     THE GROCERY BAG POLICE: - Now we have to take our own bags to the grocery store or risk being summarily executed while standing in the Express Line.  I don’t call that an advanced society – I get that plastic bags at grocery stores are posing an existential risk to our very being – but they sure are convenient.  Going to Safeway is tough enough with the fact that by the time you get back to your car you’ve signed 27 voter’s petitions and given money away to at least 3 charities (while avoiding eye contact with 11 other solicitors)… now we have to do all of that while saving the planet with our own reusable bags.  Grocery shopping has become difficult. 

What I Have Learned ... Being a Father of a Professional Athlete

What I Have Learned From:

Being a Father of a Professional Athlete

     One thing about getting old that you only learn by getting old … is that the advice you have to offer from years of experience as a man, husband, father, divorced husband, step-father, and all other roles along that long journey … has no interested audience.  Trust me – I am not complaining … it’s not like I have any wisdom at all … but it is a dynamic of our current lifestyle.

     Being blessed with three sons and two step-daughters I have come to realize quite a bit.  Chalk it up to the incredible amount of teaching and advice that is only a click away … or maybe this generation is not any different from previous generations.  I adore our five children and am so incredibly proud of them, but, I was surprised to learn that they knew everything about being an adult before actually becoming an adult --- everything about being married before actually being married --- everything about being a parent before actually being a parent ---- and fortunately for Joanne and me --- they have always been incredibly unselfish in their willingness to share their wisdom with us.

     With that in mind, I am going to seize on the opportunity to possibly write about something that even my children are not yet experts in:  Lessons from being a parent of a professional athlete.

-          Television broadcasters are amazingly bi-polar … they are either far too effusive in their praise or far too critical in their judgment.  But you learn that is what they get paid to do and you appreciate the fact that you can watch your son play soccer on television instead of freezing your ass off in the stands at some rainy and muddy stadium/field/patch of weeds.  I also have a ‘system’ – I listen and agree to the effusive-praise broadcasters and mumble that the critical broadcasters are clearly idiots. 

-          Being a sports fan --- I criticize players from time to time (for crying out loud I am a die-hard Oakland Raiders fan … criticism in now in my DNA).  When I sit at a stadium and fans start ripping on my son – I have learned to just smile and be glad that he is a topic of conversation.  My wife however … has not quite learned that skill … I don’t think she ever will.  (Wait until he starts coaching – she will not be able to go to the games with me at that point).  If you ever sat at Earthquake games and a lady in front of you shot you a look that made you quiver --- that was my wife and you were talking sh@t about Chris … sorry … that was me sitting next to her and I was cool with it.

-          Watching your son play – either in person or on television is so intense that I cannot even imagine how it could be done before big screen HD.  Trust me – in soccer on television – picking each player out from a wide-angle shot of the field becomes a learned skill.

-          Watching your son play – either in person or on television is so intense that you end up with only a very small circle of friends who are even allowed to sit in the room and watch with you.  And those friends do not include people who ask a lot of questions. 

-          Your son/daughter will have good games and not so good games … no athlete has ever had only good games.  The age old advice is to not get too high on the good and not get too low on the bad … but my advice is == celebrate the good like freaking crazy and don’t get too low on the bad.

-          I stopped offering critical advice to my son many, many years ago.  I now tell him how proud I am of him after every single game no matter what happened in the game.  Frequently he will tell me to shut up because they lost or he didn’t do well … but come on people – how could you not be proud of your son going out there and playing his heart and soul out????   Now … if he ever was mean to a spectator or didn’t respect the game --- he and I would have a different conversation. – (I do look the other way when his on-field intensity gets extremely strong … but his wife doesn’t look the other way so I know that gets criticized at home).

-          For a couple of years I had two sons playing professionally together … watching them on the field together was the best part of my professional-fatherly life.  My younger son, Stephen, once scored a tying goal in the last minute of an US Open Cup Game in Charleston … to watch Chris go over and jump on top of him was my favorite professional fatherly moment of all time … and I dare say will always be.  I wish that feeling of that one moment in time for every father --- and it does not have to come from professional sports – I am so fortunate to have traveled to Charleston that week in July to be able to take that in.  Well worth all of the 5am departures from home on Saturday morning to drive to Buzzards Breath, California or some other crazy place to get to an 8am tournament game … and ….freeze your ass off on the sideline of some weed patch drinking lukewarm coffee.

Goodbye to Buck Shaw ... Raiders Football ... and Wondo Fantasy Football Update (Spoiler Alert - I'm winning)

     I really enjoyed watching Chris play with the National Team the past two weeks … their results could have been a little bit better but I have such fondness for those guys and that team and it was great seeing Chris getting the privilege to wear the US Badge again.  But we have even more relevant items to blog about on this Award-Winning – yet recently neglected – Blog.

BUCK SHAW IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR:

     Last Saturday night I walked out of Buck Shaw Stadium with a small twinge of fond memories.  It is a miserable place to go to a professional soccer game but it is a wonderful place to watch a professional soccer game.  Beyond all of that- my fatherly-soccer-memories will always be Buck Shaw Centric.  I was fortunate enough to have so many personal memories there that will stay with me forever.  I have enormous appreciation for all the fans that stuck it out at Buck Shaw and we all look forward to the new John A. Wondolowski Stadium @ SJC (people are starting to call it JDUB@SJC). 

     Best memory ever at Buck Shaw???? – I have too many fatherly memories and I don’t want to bore anyone with that … I have a tie for first place that is not totally Wondo-Centric.  The night we clinched the Supporter’s Shield – after the game the Players really showed a close love with the fans … and Lenny Wig Night – because I wish I was the one who invented that night –the concept and the finish.

RAIDERS … WAIT Till NEXT YEAR

     The Wondo Family have been Raiders fans forever … even including a couple of years when they decided to play in Los Angeles.  The family has season tickets thanks to Aunt Wondo – and the Wondo Boys go to virtually every game.  So it was great this past Sunday when Chris was able to be a guest of the Raiders and kick field goals on the field at half time.  He did OK kicking field goals in his running shoes (Quakes fans would have been proud) – but he essentially was the warm up act for the frisbee dogs.  Nevertheless we had a blast and A Pequena Chefona enjoyed sitting in the suite and providing crumbs in the carpet for the janitorial crew.  Chris drilled 45 yard field goals and Grand-Dude fed Chefona in the Suite. Great seeing Sam Cronin and Jason Hernandez there as well – they didn’t boo Chris’ 55 Yard Field Goal attempt that missed short by a yard or two as loudly as Chris’ brother did.

FANTASY FOOTBALL

     Just a quick update on the Wondo Boys Fantasy Football League … that includes my three sons, myself, my two sons in law, and two close FoW (Friends of Wondo).  Long story a little shorter – one guy is in first place at 6-1 (Oh – that would be me) and everyone else is so far behind that it hurts my feelings to think that they are my offspring, sons in law, and close friends.  I suspect they are trying – but I cannot prove that based upon demonstrated performance. 

     Here is the result of our Fantasy Football League … nobody in the family is talking to me (the sons in law have Joanne in their camp) … and yet – no matter what I do I just keep winning.  In some ways it is a curse to be this good at Fantasy Football but – I am learning to live with that curse. 

Cal Football Defense - Saying Goodbye to Buck Shaw Stadium - and Fantasy Football Update

Cal Defense – Saying Goodbye to Buck Shaw Stadium – and Fantasy Football Update

University of California Golden Bears – and What They do When the Other Team Has the Ball

     As an Old Blue (UC Berkeley Alumni) – there have been precious few times in a football season when my alma mater is 4-1 and their one loss came on a Hail Mary pass as the last play of the game.  However I can say that, while I am happy about our record, I cannot believe that there is a FBS team at 4-1 that has chosen to rest all of their players when their defense would normally be on the field.  You have to go way back to --- well … I guess only last year actually … -- to see a defense that looks similar in that their mission is to get off the field quickly after yielding a touchdown as quickly as possible.  It is disheartening – but (cynically) it may show what you have to do if you want to increase graduation rates.  I love my Bears --- but I think we should on-side kick after every score and just go for fourth down every single time.

Goodbye Santa Clara University – Buck Shaw Stadium – Home of the San Jose Earthquakes

     I am not a fan of Buck Shaw Stadium – although to be fair I have said many times that it is a great place to actually watch a game because it is kind of like it is being played in your back yard.  If you have ever been to Stubbs BBQ for a concert in Austin, Texas ... You'll agree that Buck Shaw is to soccer what Stubbs BBQ is to concerts.  But it is not a professional stadium and when they stop fans from entering or exiting because the guy carrying the cones from the visiting team is walking by … that is beyond rinky-dink.

     In just a couple of weeks the Earthquakes will play their final game at Buck Shaw Stadium as they prepare to move to their own new stadium by the San Jose Airport.  And … despite the fact that I have never been a fan of Buck Shaw Stadium … looking back I am a fan of Buck Shaw Stadium.  Because it has given me special Dad moments there.

-          First MLS goal that I saw Chris score in person

-          Goal that Chris scored to set an Earthquakes all-time scoring record

-          Goal that Chris scored and then came over and kissed A Pequena Chefona

-          Being able to be so close and enjoy the Ultras (Chefona dances to their songs) 

-          Having an intimate soccer experience that most dads will never have

o   (I still don’t like the place … but wow has it given me great memories)

Fantasy Football Update

     The Fighting Basset Hounds are now 4 wins 1 loss in the Wondo Family Fantasy Football League.  Of the 8 teams in the league … the Fighting Basset Hounds find themselves at the “top of the table” as soccer people like to say.  In addition – through the first 5 weeks – no team has ever scored more points in one week than the FBH did in Week One.  We have had to deal with adversity – injuries, suspensions, bad attitudes, poor performers and egos … but our management philosophy has helped guide us to the lofty place that we sit today - JUST WIN BABY.

     Our position in the standings? Far above my sons Chris and Stephen – in fact, you would probably need a telescopic rear view mirror to even see Chris or Stephen from our place in the standings.  I have even started rooting for both of them … because (1) they are my sons and I care for them and (2) they are embarrassing the crap out of me right now. 

End of Month Special - Random Thoughts on MLS Salaries, Fantasy Football, and Babysitting

     We are heading into October … and your Award Winning Blog has had a far too insignificant September.  Here are some observations and thoughts to take us all into October better informed.

MLS SALARIES –

     The updated Salaries of all Major League Soccer Players were released this week.  For the first several years of my son’s career it was an opportunity for me to realize I needed to take the poor boy out to a good dinner.  For the past few years of his career it makes me realize that I should stop picking up the check at those dinners.

     You know your Award Winning Blog always digs deep into the details to find news.  To that end we analyzed the pay by Last Name (and specifically which letter was at the beginning of your last name).  Spending my entire life at the end of the alphabet … I pay more attention there.  I uncovered a shocking discovery in pay equity in Major League Soccer.  While there are only 8 players whose last names begin with “Z” … their total pay is $1.44 million.  Compare that to the poor players whose last name begins with “V” – there are 9 of them! But in total those 9 only add up to less than $1.4 million.  I will proclaim right now that this is a compensation scandal that Major League Soccer needs to address immediately before the press owns the story  … the Commissioner needs to get out in front of the story. 

FANTASY FOOTBALL –

     I can tell you that one thing MLS Salaries clearly do not take into account is your ability in Fantasy Football.  My eldest son, Christopher, is a dismal 1-3 with his team.  He lost to me (his stupid father) this past weekend and I am told that he found the spider hole that Saddam Hussein was hiding in and has taken up residence there due to his shame.  My team, The Fighting Basset Hounds, have staked a claim to first place in the league.  My other two sons have made me a prouder Fantasy Football dad so far … my sons-in-law … well I’m sure they are trying (on second thought I hope to God they are not trying because that would be embarrassing). 

BABYSITTING AS A GRANDFATHER – A Pequena Chefona for 8 Hours Straight

     A Pequena Chefona (Little Bossy Pants) is now 9 months old.  She is regularly cared for by her uncles (Stephen and Matthew) – and she is a lot of fun.  A few days ago the desperation set in at the Chris Wondolowski household and they had to turn from Plan A to Plan B then to Plan C until they finally got to Plan Q – and I got the call from the bullpen for an 8 hour stint as the babysitter.  While Lindsey was somewhat surprisingly calm and confident in her staffing choice … the three boys who I had raised, changed their diapers, fed them, and somehow they survived Planet Earth under my care to arrive at the present points in their lives …. Those three boys were very concerned and would have called Child Protection but that would have made them stop watching the third re-run of Sports Center to make that call.  To be fair – Chris had no problem with me babysitting … but clearly not because of his confidence in me rather mostly because he was happy to have someone plug in for 8 hours that he did not have to pay. 

     Stephen and Matthew on the other hand … could not even comprehend how I could possibly watch a baby (the same baby that they have watched for similar stretches of time).  Fortunately for me … Stephen and Matthew gave me untold amounts of advice and tips on how to babysit.  It is only a bit ironic that neither of them have children and both of them are among the three children that I semi-successfully helped evolve into young men.  

     A long story a little shorter … A Pequena Chefona and I had a great time.  I found that she loves music so much that she even likes my awful singing voice.  She is of course standing every chance she gets which means that she is nanoseconds away from falling continually --- but there was not going to be a bruise or stitches on my watch so I was intensely protective.  She also fell asleep in my arms late in the afternoon from me reading the Wall Street Journal out loud to her (going to be a Republican I guess). 

     I was able to take her to Gymboree … which was the highlight of our day.  We walked down to Gymboree (I walked she rode) and she had a great time.  Perhaps on purpose … I cannot say for sure … 1 minute into the session --- there I was the old guy with the 9 month old sitting around and definitely NOT singing --- and Chefona decides to drop a deuce.  The singing of the others drowned out the grunting and we both decided to just play through it … but my sensory memories of that Gymboree session will forever be more of smell than any other sense.

     In short – we had a great time … and I taught her the words to Camptown Races because she had been getting a couple of them wrong.

     I think I made the approved Babysitter list at Casa de Juando … much to the surprise of my offspring. 

Earthquakes - and Somebody is Undefeated in NFL Fantasy Football (and being a grandpa is pretty cool)

     I have never been a big fan of the San Jose Earthquakes home ‘stadium’ (Santa Clara University – Buck Shaw Stadium) and I have never been very shy about that fact.  It is a great place to ‘watch’ a soccer game – but a less than great place to go to a professional sporting event.  Over the past few years the construction that Santa Clara University has done has taken away the little ambience that the place has and rendered it a tough place to enjoy a professional sporting event.  Again – except for the game itself where there may be no better place to watch a game and no seat in the house is bad.

     Yesterday – I think my opinion changed somewhat dramatically.  I think my opinion on a lot of things has changed dramatically since I became a grandfather.  We are fortunate enough to have been able to purchase seats right down on the field (which honestly you cannot really do at other professional venues).  And for the last two games – my daughter-in-law has allowed me to take my Pequena Chefona (Little bossy pants) – Emersyn Wondolowski – into the stadium for pre-game warm-ups by myself.  It was surely against all protests by other family members but Emersyn and I have spent 45 minutes before each game within feet of her daddy warming up.  So --- long story a bit shorter --- I have never been a big fan of Buck Shaw Stadium for a professional sporting event --- but I will always treasure the moments it gave me with my granddaughter.

     By the way – we have good season tickets at the new stadium as well.  Mrs. Wondo and Mr. Wondo pony up their own money for their seats (Buck Shaw Stadium and the new John Wondolowski Stadium) – we go to untold number of sporting events and there is no better value. 

     For those who wonder about my Fantasy Football League – I have good news and bad news.  My youngest son, Matt, got a win this week.  My two older sons, Chris and Stephen, looked again like they were nuns trying to play with the big dogs and got drilled.   Me?  Oh – I am undefeated – but that’s not important … I just want everyone to have fun.  In case you missed it – my winning was the good news and Chris and Stephen being completely humiliated (again) is the bad news. 

     Finally – for the Earthquakes soccer fans – nobody on planet earth could have been happier to see Lennie on the field yesterday.  His presence is incredible … Mrs. Wondo understands as much soccer as Emersyn does Quantum Physics (right now) – but Mrs. Wondo LOVES when Lenny hits the field.

     I have said it before and I will say it again – 3 wins in a row changes everything … it can still happen as long as we get the 3 points in Montreal. 

Let's Not Talk Earthquakes - Let's Talk Fatherly Advice (and fantasy football)

I have found a fool-proof way of getting your three sons to not talk to you at all.  It is more brilliant than just cutting off the money (because that tactic just makes them come at you more) – it is joining their Fantasy Football League and winning.  I have to admit this is not the way I drew it up – but the outcome has been great.

I decided this year to join my three sons (Chris, Stephen, Matt) and my two sons-in-law (Brendan and Chris) and two close Wondo Family Friends (Dom an Zak) – in fantasy football.  As I have said before the week between our draft and Week One of the season was a time for every guy in the league to ridicule me as the worst Fantasy Football Player ever.

But then – when Week One was over … I had 131 points – beating Stephen’s team (my opponent) by 53 points – scoring more points than anyone else in the league by a huge margin. 

The result?

None of my sons, sons-in-law, close friends of Wondo Family, or even the love of my life – my Basset Hound Mildred Penelope, will talk to me or respond to my emails or texts.  (OK – Millie P doesn’t know how to text). 

AND … I have discovered the thing that nearly every dad of teenage kids ever wanted to discover --- how do you get your sons to stop talking to you.  (When you have teenage sons they have only two ways of talking to you --- (1) they need money --- and (2) they want to tell you what an idiot you are).  I don’t really enjoy hearing what an idiot I am and I really, really don’t enjoy shoveling out money to my kids.  So --- having my offspring ignore me is a wonderful thing. 

In summary – I have some sage fatherly advice for young fathers out there who have boys who are driving them crazy.  All you need to do is get a Fantasy Football League with them and then get incredibly lucky one week – not just win but win by 53 points – and nobody will bother you for a week.  Imagine that – one week of watching Sports Center (or PBS News Hour) without a son next to you telling you how old and stupid you are … all you need to do is (1) join fantasy football with them and (2) get lucky in week one.  It is a recipe for peace and solitude.